Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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