We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
