How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize