i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
