Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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