the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
