I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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