I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize