I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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