I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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