im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize