the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize