Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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