Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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