College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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