i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
