he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
