when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
