I cockslap morals
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
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