her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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