theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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