Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
