I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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