the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
