I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
