Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
