member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
