Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
