Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
