i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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