I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
