We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
