I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
