he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
