Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
