when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
