capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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