I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
