It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
