shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
