you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
