I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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