I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize