He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
