What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
