thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I intend to get homeless drunk
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
