you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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