Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
