i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize