dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
