if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
