Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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