8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
