I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
