WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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