im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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