ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
