I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
