her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
