so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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