3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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