i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
