I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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