Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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