But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
