haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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