I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize