Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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