I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
