I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
