Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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