The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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