It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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