i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
