:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
