So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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