Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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