i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
