i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
