Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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