apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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