Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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