dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
