help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
