you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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