I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how can u be prego again
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
