it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
