I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
