just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
