Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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