Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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