Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
