Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize