Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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