this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
