I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
