Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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