apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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