the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
