At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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