I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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