My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
