I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
