Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
