i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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