I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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