You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
