Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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