we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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